01 11 / 2013






Your first time is NOT supposed to hurt

You are NOT supposed to bleed

If you bleed, that is NOT your hymen being ‘popped’, it is a tear due to lack of sexual arousal and natural lubrication.

This is all a MYTH perpetrated by men so they don’t have to make sure you are comfortable and sufficiently aroused enough before you have sex with them. It is an excuse to disregard and hurt you.

I just really want people to know this.


Yes, the idea of “popping the cherry” is made up, it isn’t a thing. But saying “you are not supposed to…” followed by anything but “…do things you don’t want to do” is dangerous when it comes to our bodies, what they do, and what we do with them.

Sometimes there is blood during intercourse and that doesn’t necessarily mean that both of the parties didn’t enjoy themselves. Sex is complicated and maybe you bled your first time, maybe there’s pain as well as pleasure. Sometimes women are very aroused but not very “naturally lubricated”…that’s the reason the lube industry exists. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you should never have sex or that you were raped despite enjoying yourself. Likewise, a lack of blood doesn’t necessarily mean you weren’t raped or that you “enjoy being raped,” which some terrible people will maintain, and some abused women will, sadly, believe.

Hank, I think you’re fantastic, but I’m going to have to disagree with you. Because if it hurts and keeps hurting, there might be something wrong with you. And that’s okay. Sex should never be impossible. If it is, and it’s something that you want, seek help from a doctor.

I was married for a year before I was capable of having sex, and it took surgery and physical therapy to get there. I spent six months thinking that maybe I wasn’t a woman after all, or that I was a wimp because I couldn’t deal with the pain like everyone else. This was a lie. This won’t be everyone’s experience, but for about 1% of women, this is a reality. And this reality is valid.

Re-reblogging for this great point. 

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    As a man I thank you because I did not know this.
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